Rules

Apart from techniques, we are taught rules. These rules will teach us how to behave. They will create ‘good citizens’ out of us, and in order to accomplish this they are set up with the intention that we will  be safe and do what is best for us. Like traffic rules, safety regulations, dress codes; but also ‘you are not allowed to eat cookies right before dinner’ or, for instance: ‘don’t speak unless you are spoken to’.

From my perspective, rules seem to fall into two categories. There are rules that organize the Country or culture we are living in. And then there are rules that are tied to a personal value system.

The consequences of not following or living by these rules vary from being penalized according to the system of laws of the Country you are living in ~ to setting yourself apart from a cultural or family group; becoming a ‘loner’, or in extreme cases becoming an outcast.

Ultimately the question is: “What does being a ‘good citizen’ mean to me?”

And we all come to a point in life where we will explore this question. Where we tell the world that ‘no way are we going to live our life the same way our parents are living their lives. We are going to do it different and better’. We turn our backs at more traditional social mores...

The funny thing is, that after a while, sometimes without us being aware of it happening, we start adhering to a new system of social mores. Following new rules that suit our newly discovered personal values. And, as there is ‘safety in numbers’, we surround ourselves with friends who tend to live by a similar set of social mores or rules as we do.

The reality is that rules provide us with a structure; and us human beings feel comfortable within a structure. That is, as long as this structure allows us free expression of ourselves...

And there is the rub.

Rules, by their nature, limit our expression of self; in the very least ensuring that the expression of self is done in a ‘socially acceptable manner’.
It is, for instance, okay if you want to be an actress or artist; but it is frowned upon if you cannot provide for yourself and your family while being an actress or artist...
It is okay to lead a ‘traveling life’; it is frowned upon if in doing so, you disallow your children to put down roots in any one place...

The paradox is that while rules ~ the ones we grew up with as well as the ones set for ourselves ~ comfort us as well as limit us. They allow us to belong to a group of family and/or friends, as long as we behave in an acceptable manner.

Rules are complicated. Set up with the intention to keep us protected, physically and socially, often we feel the need to ‘bend the rules’ in order to truly express ourselves according to our personal values...